No Hablo Espanol

I was out running errands yesterday and I decided to stop off at Juarez Bakery on my way home for a little sweet treat with Rafi Cat. For those of you who have not been there, Juarez is alway jam packed with people and yesterday was no exception.

After grabbing my sweet bread I sat down at a table with Rafi and was minding my own business, when this older white man comes over to me. He starts talking to Rafi and saying hello, telling her she is cute, nothing out of the ordinary when people see babies. Then he starts telling her she has really big beautiful eyes. He looks at me and says the same thing. I of course had a huge bite of bread in my mouth so I smile and nod since I couldn’t really say anything at the moment. Then he gets louder. “She has BIG Beautiful Eyes.” I start to try and say thank you, not really sure why he insists on yelling at me when he takes it up one more notch- this time with hand movements. HER (points at Rafi) EYES (points at his own) are BIG (stretches out arms). Then he starts chanting Ojos, Ojos while he points at his eyes. I start to look around, wondering what was going on, only to realize that everyone in the restaurant, other than him was hispanic. Finally it hit me- he thought I didn’t speak english, and apparently that I was also deaf.

After I recovered from the shock of it all and discovered that everyone was now staring at me, I said “Thank you, her eyes are beautiful.” I may have even tried to throw in a little country twang when I said it. He then just turned around and walked away, I suppose he was disappointed that I could not keep up the spanish conversation with him.

I guess the last few days in the sun have started to bring out my ethnic side and cover up all traces of my maiden name- Collier.

These are a few of my LEAST favorite things

Before you proceed, let me go ahead and answer a couple of questions about this blog.

Q: Will this blog offend me?
A: Sure it might. Most things I say or write often offend people. Fair warning.

Q: Will I agree with all of the things Jessica is annoyed by?
A: No, of course you won’t. But for the purpose of this blog- your opinion will be wrong.

Q: Can I post things that I find annoying in the comments section of this blog?
A: YES! Please do. I would love to hear the things that bother you as long as they don’t conflict with any of the things that bother me. That would be really annoying.

Ok- there will probably be a part 2,3,4... to this blog. Just sharing a few with you today.


# 1- People who say “I hate drama!” I don’t find this annoying because I like drama, it is really because the people who make this statement are ALWAYS the people who are creating the drama!

# 2- People who don’t discipline their children. Let me give an example on this one. I was in the grocery store one day and this kid (about 2 1/2 yrs old) was going CRAZY in the shopping cart. He is hitting his dad, screaming in his face- total flip out.  I am minding my own business trying to buy some meat when I hear the dad saying,  “ I can tell by how you are acting, you are in a bad place. I will wait until you are ready to use your words so we can talk about this.”  Uhhhh, what?? The kid of course, not ready to use his words, continued the madness for another couple of minutes. After realizing that I had been staring at the same package of chicken for a while because I could not even focus, I leaned over and said “Hey, it’s really cool that you want him to use his words and all, but for the sake of everyone involved- can he use his words outside?” The dad looked at me like I was crazy, and for a split second I thought I may have gone too far this time- until the lady next to me leans over and says with relief “Thank you sooo much!” Everyones style is different, I get that- but please discipline your kids in a way that it does not put a damper on me shopping, eating, getting my hair done- whatever!

# 3- When someone says “I don’t mean this in a bad way...” And then say the rudest crap ever. Seriously, the only way you mean it - is in a bad way when you start a sentence out like that. If you want to say it- then say it. Embrace the mean person that you actually are. OR write what you are thinking on Twitter. Use the # sign and then don’t put any spaces between your letters. Then you can say whatever you want and it’s not even rude anymore- in fact, it is a trend. #ithinkyoulookfatinthatskirt   Oh and add a : ) that makes it totally acceptable.