Seriously though. Don’t you do that?? Is it just me? Often times in my life when I think about a gathering of women my eyes roll and I think “this is sure to be a nightmare.” Let me give you an example of why.
Last month I was in body pump (which just an FYI is a class created by people who hate themselves- yet I love it and go twice a week) when a lady came charging in across a class of 50+ people. We are all mid squat track, carrying massively heavy weights (super exaggeration for me. It was like 4 lbs but felt like 1,000) when this lady interrupts the instructor to ask her to turn the music down. Whaaa?!? Yea. For real. She was working out upstairs and didn’t like how loud the music was from the group fitness class. My instructor stopped her class and tried to turn it down a bit. The lady apparently thought she intentionally turned it up and flipped out. I mean screaming at the top of her lungs, hands flying through the air, face red, edge of a stroke flipping out. And because I have done women’s ministry for years now you know what my thought was? “Seems like a regular f%#$ing Tuesday around here.” Come on. It didn’t even phase me. No shock value. Not even a pause. Nothing.
Why do you think that is? Well, amongst women there seems to be an overwhelming drama factor. Women just come with a baggage of emotion. So much crying, hormones, feelings, ups and downs, its sooooo hard to keep up with. Hell, I am a woman and I am scared of my own hormonal swings at times. I look around and think “was that me that just screamed at my kids? What happened?!? 4 seconds ago I was dying laughing.” Scary.
But the truth is, that is not even the real drama that I avoid. I have actually started to embrace the changing landscape of emotions that comes with being in community with other women. And because Jesus has given me a view of the world that most often times looks comical- I have just started to look at those things and say “I live in the longest episode of SNL of all time.” Ever changing clips of really crazy people, doing really funny things. It’s actually become- dare I say- enjoyable.
Let me tell you what does make my eyes roll though. The striving to be each other. Which in itself is insane since normally the person we are trying to be like, we don’t even actually like. I know it’s something that women have done forever (comparing yourself to someone else) but this age of false lives , AKA Social Media, has escalated everything. I catch myself doing it all the time.
<cut to me on computer>
“Oh my gosh, look at those pics of her kids. They are always hugging and getting along. My kids are always fighting. I want to be like her. She is a better mom than me”
“Her and her husband are checked in on another date night!?! Gosh, Tony and I rarely go out on dates. I really need to step it up. He probably thinks I’m really boring”
“Look at how many miles she ran today. I should really put this tub of ice cream down and go run.”
“She built a whole business on her free time today. All I did was change a 3 year olds shitty diaper” (yea, you read that right. 3. Get over it perfect parent)
<end scene>
Seriously, you go there. You start this whole deal up where you beat yourself up comparing your life to someone else and then striving to be them. Its exhausting. And INSANE.
We have all read the articles about how these online lives are false and we know someone can drive their car to the top of the mountain, take a selfie and say they ran up it. We get it.
But that false self and need to be better than each other is making its way passed the keyboards of our computers and screens on our phones and becoming who we are in our actual life.
I hear so many conversations and have experienced them myself when someone says “We are moving to a new house.” And immediately the response from another woman is- “oh really, we are going to be moving too, and we are getting even more for our house.”
Or “we are going to go out on a date Friday” and the response is “we go out every Friday and this week we are going out Saturday too.”
Come on ladies. We are not happy for anyone who may be perceived as doing something “better” than us. And all that happens is, we ruin their joy, and our own. Why is it so hard to be happy for each other?
James 4:1-2 (MSG) “Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don’t have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn’t yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it.”
I know you are not out there trying to physically kill anyone, (if you are, I pray this blog in no way offends you. I meant it for someone else) but we are killing each others joy. We are killing each others confidence. Trust. Hope. And most of all, we are killing our relationships. Women are really good at tearing each other down in order to build themselves up. We want your dream crushed, if ours is not coming true.
Well guess what?!? We also have the power to encourage one another. To build each other up. To call out the best in each of us as mothers, wives, friends, and women!
So, let’s take off the false personality and get rid of the strife. I will start with me.
- I like my house clean, but I have 2 kids and a dog so it is rarely that
- My kids fight
- I yell at them when they fight
- I fell like crap after I yell at them
- I have to apologize on the regular for being a douche bag to people
- I have ruined friendships for no other reason than the fact that I couldn’t handle my view of how much better their life was than mine
The list can go on forever. I am not perfect. Thank God. So much pressure. Neither are you. AND neither is anyone else you are comparing yourself to. Be encouraged today that you are who you are, (in all your drama, mood swings, changing hormones, joy, life, love, mess) and that is a VERY VERY good thing.
Where are you trying to be something you are not? It is a great thing to want to be better, as long as that is a better you, not a lesser version of someone else.
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