Lately when I hop on Facebook I find myself channeling Dory and singing “Just keep scrolling, just keep scrolling.” There is so much anger, arguing, and pure ridiculousness. I have seen so many debates lately from the recent killings, to the presidential candidates, to church and the afterlife. It’s insanity. And at a time in our country where we need to come together, we spend every moment fighting about who is right and who is wrong with EVERY…SINGLE…THING.
After getting myself worked up over some of these discussions in my own head, I had a couple thoughts I wanted to share.
First- Facebook is not the place to hash out life altering theological debates or really anything of substance. If anyone finds a discussion thread that ends with someone saying "wow! You have totally changed my opinion through this back and forth Facebook conversation." Please screen shot it and send to me. In the meantime I will be riding my unicorn over to fairyland.
Second- since Facebook isn't the place for this- how do we have these discussion??? I'm glad you asked. Back before social media, people did this crazy shit called "face to face conversations." I know. Sounds like a myth. It's actually not. You know my husband and I still invite people over to our home regularly for dinner? (Gasp) And a lot of times controversial things come up. (Double gasp) It is so much better to discuss with someone when you can see their face and hear their tone. I encourage everyone to give this dying practice another shot. It really helps.
Third-what I think the world needs most right now is kindness. And I don't mean fake kindness. Not where we are saying hateful things but using a preface of "I am saying this in love." No you are not! You are saying it to prove a point without wanting to be an asshole. It's like in the south when we say "bless her heart.” It gives us the right to say anything: "bless her heart, she is just so fat." Really?!? Is that a blessing???
So what's the best way to show kindness in these tense situations where our world is falling apart, people are being murdered, and hatred is running rampant? How do we love each other well? I think one of the best possible things you can do is just shut the f**** up. Some of you are holding your breath right now after that word just popped into your brain. (by the way I said Frank- what are you thinking?) Keep holding it. Every time you want to talk over someone. Every time you want to drill your point in and not let them speak. Every time you think you know how someone else is feeling. Every time you want to reply back to someones status on Facebook for the sake of arguing. Think of that word and shut your mouth.
I am not saying we shouldn’t discuss things. It is the only way we can start to make a better world. But in order for us to really have these discussions, someone has to talk and someone has to listen. We need to know each others stories. If you knew mine, you would know why I care so deeply about community, living out of the truest parts of who you are, and the deep desire to bring joy into every day. If I knew yours I would understand why you have the opinions you do, believe in the things you do, celebrate the things you do. But you wont know about me if you are always blabbing. And I won’t know about you if I am. So let’s all do each other a favor and give someone a turn to talk. And let’s listen to them. Really listen. Not sit and wait for your chance to tell them (or type out) why they are wrong.
Finally- it is occasionally better to be kind, than to prove you’re right.
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