Embrace

At the beginning of each year I pray and ask God what my “word” for the year is.  This is a practice that I have done over the last few years and it has proven to be extremely helpful in navigating through the year. (You can read about my Journey for Joy  from 2015)

This year’s word threw me off from the start.  EMBRACE.  Well, that doesn’t sound like fun.  I immediately thought of a physical embrace and for anyone that has known me some time- you can recall that I am certainly not a hugger.  Or I used to not be.  I am getting a bit better as God softens my heart.  I usually only like to hug if I am the initiator, and I know the person pretty well.  But just last week I saw my friend Dana and we hugged and we had a great laugh about how it wasn’t even that awkward for me.  I didn’t go in with my mouth half open like an uncomfortable first date kiss.  We were both pretty impressed with my growth. 

However, as this year has progressed I realize that is not what God had in mind.  As I mentioned in a previous blog it has been a difficult year of loss.  We lost both Tony’s dad and my grandma in just 2 weeks.  We finally felt like we could take a breath for a day after my grandma’s funeral and the kids and I were out playing in the yard one morning. They saw my neighbor and went running over to say hello and her cat had died, who of course my kids adored. (Because we won't let them have one) And it hasn’t just been through death that loss has happened. We inherited 3 chicks who all turned out to be roosters. Seriously, what are the chances?!? So between all the death we also had to get rid of 2 chickens. My kids were once again crushed. I am sure chickens may not be a hard loss for some, but when you are 6 & 4 its a pretty big deal. 

And then, yesterday,  my friend moved across the world.  My friend that has lived life alongside me, almost daily, for over 7 years.  When we met she had 2 kids and I wasn’t even pregnant with Rafi yet. Since then we have added 4 kids to the crew between us.  We have seen birth. Experienced the loss of parents and grandparents.  Have served endless hours in ministry.  Have seen many women be healed and freed.  And have experienced so much of that for ourselves.  Job changes.  House moves.  Celebrated joys.  Cried from sorrows. Ran a million miles (I should be skinnier).  Sent zillions of texts.  Hours of phone calls. You get it.  We are friends.  Really great friends.  And she has moved to Singapore.  Just for a couple years, but still, way too far and too much change than I am comfortable with. 

Now, back to my word for the year. What does embrace have to do with any of this?  Well, let me tell you what starts to happen internally to me after all this loss.  My dialogue goes something like: "Why bother loving people or investing in relationship when eventually they won't be here?  Don't get too close because this is going to end up hurting.  Life is just so much easier when you trust little, love little and do everything on your own."  (Am I the only one that occasionally has these thoughts?!?). I know deep down this isn't true, but sometimes it feels like this is the safest path to travel.  

But I have clung to that word and God has reminded me often this year that I must embrace change.  That I should love people well while I still have them.  That his plans are always better than mine, and embracing his love, grace and mercy will always lead to goodness. 

So life looks different a little over half way through the year than it did at the beginning.  We have had some loss, but we have gained much.  Since January we have moved to a new house and added a joyful baby to the family.  We are now the proud owners of 3 chickens (2 of which are not roosters-hooray).  We have made new friends, gained great neighbors and grown closer to our families. We have had a deeper understanding of God's love, provision, and plans for our lives.  

And the bonus that I didn't ever see coming was how much Tony and I would grow together through all this change.  Learning to lean on one another through the pain, joy, and adventure.  After ten years of marriage we may finally be getting this thing down! 

What does your 2016 look like so far? It's a good time to do a check and make the most out of the rest of the year. Join me in embracing goodness, kindness, joy, Jesus- and when it's not too awkward- each other. 

#KindnessMatters

Lately when I hop on Facebook I find myself channeling Dory and singing “Just keep scrolling, just keep scrolling.”  There is so much anger, arguing, and pure ridiculousness. I have seen so many debates lately from the recent killings, to the presidential candidates, to church and the afterlife. It’s insanity.  And at a time in our country where we need to come together, we spend every moment fighting about who is right and who is wrong with EVERY…SINGLE…THING. 

After getting myself worked up over some of these discussions in my own head, I had a couple thoughts I wanted to share.

First- Facebook is not the place to hash out life altering theological debates or really anything of substance.  If anyone finds a discussion thread that ends with someone saying "wow! You have totally changed my opinion through this back and forth Facebook conversation."  Please screen shot it and send to me. In the meantime I will be riding my unicorn over to fairyland. 

Second- since Facebook isn't the place for this- how do we have these discussion???  I'm glad you asked.  Back before social media, people did this crazy shit called "face to face conversations."  I know.  Sounds like a myth.  It's actually not. You know my husband and I still invite people over to our home regularly for dinner? (Gasp)  And a lot of times controversial things come up. (Double gasp)  It is so much better to discuss with someone when you can see their face and hear their tone.  I encourage everyone to give this dying practice another shot. It really helps. 

Third-what I think the world needs most right now is kindness.  And I don't mean fake kindness.  Not where we are saying hateful things but using a preface of "I am saying this in love."  No you are not!  You are saying it to prove a point without wanting to be an asshole. It's like in the south when we say "bless her heart.”  It gives us the right to say anything:  "bless her heart, she is just so fat." Really?!?  Is that a blessing??? 

So what's the best way to show kindness in these tense situations where our world is falling apart, people are being murdered, and hatred is running rampant?  How do we love each other well?  I think one of the best possible things you can do is just shut the f**** up.  Some of you are holding your breath right now after that word just popped into your brain. (by the way I said Frank- what are you thinking?)  Keep holding it.  Every time you want to talk over someone.  Every time you want to drill your point in and not let them speak.  Every time you think you know how someone else is feeling.  Every time you want to reply back to someones status on Facebook for the sake of arguing.  Think of that word and shut your mouth.  

I am not saying we shouldn’t discuss things. It is the only way we can start to make a better world.  But in order for us to really have these discussions, someone has to talk and someone has to listen.  We need to know each others stories.  If you knew mine, you would know why I care so deeply about community, living out of the truest parts of who you are, and the deep desire to bring joy into every day. If I knew yours I would understand why you have the opinions you do, believe in the things you do, celebrate the things you do.  But you wont know about me if you are always blabbing. And I won’t know about you if I am.  So let’s all do each other a favor and give someone a turn to talk.  And let’s listen to them.  Really listen.  Not sit and wait for your chance to tell them (or type out) why they are wrong.  

Finally- it is occasionally better to be kind, than to prove you’re right. 

Goodness

Tony and I have a conversation that is on repeat every time we decide to watch a movie together. It goes like this:

Tony: “Hey, what movie do you want to fall asleep to?” (Because I NEVER stay awake) 

Me: “Whatever, as long as it is funny.”

Seriously, every.single.time. 

If there is some depth to it, I am normally out. Hurt, pain, death… nope. Not me. I would just as soon throw on an episode of Modern Family I have seen a dozen times and laugh. Who wants to watch people crying on the screen. Blah. I am getting ill thinking about it. 

We were with friends last weekend and it was really comical to talk this out. Me explaining my serious desire to laugh and being so turned off by the thought of watching any kind of drama. 

So much so that I can barely relate to other people with movies because unless it is funny or a kids movie, I probably have not seen it. 

But here is the deal. We live in a world that is soooooo f-ing depressing. You turn the news on (which FYI- I try not to EVER do that) it is all horrible. Radio- depressing. Facebook- OH my Lord. Every single thing that can go wrong, its trending. The other night I couldn’t sleep and in a matter of 5 minutes on Facebook I saw- A man was killed by a bear riding his bike, the Texas and Florida beaches are filled with flesh eating bacteria, and a mom in Texas shot her 2 girls in the front yard and killed them in front of their dad. 

What thaaaaa haaaeelllll… Y’all. It’s just so hard out there. BUT- I think it’s always been this hard. It’s just that all news is reported now and so everything is in our face. And it feels overwhelming. And occasionally, I don’t want to shock anyone, but sometimes things are a bit exaggerated. 

Think about the last month. Kid falls in Gorilla Enclosure and everyone is an expert on gorillas and parenting. A child dies at Disney and everyone is an expert on alligators, proper signage at theme parks, and again- parenting. I read about the man who was killed by a bear and you guessed it- everyone was an expert on bears- and mountain biking. In all of these scenarios, through traditional and social media, everyone just seemed really angry on all sides. And what gives? People lost their lives. Do we not just feel sadness for them? For their families? 

It just seems that we are so inundated with negative information we have become cold to the fact that people matter. Their lives matter. And we have truly lost the fact that there is still so much good in this world. 

Our last month has been a complete shit fest. My father in law became ill after a surgery and after 2 weeks of fighting off multiple infections he ended up passing away. The following week as we prepared for his celebration which would be at our house, my dad called to tell me my grandma was in the hospital and not expected to make it. She passed the following week. 

BUT, here is what else happened over the last month. We had so many calls, cards, text messages and visits from people letting us know they were thinking of us and praying for us. We had friends come and help me clean the house so it would be ready for my father in laws celebration. We had people bring tables, chairs, and shade structures so we could accommodate 50 people at our house with 6 days notice. I had friends take my kids for the day so I could go grocery shopping and to the gym for 1 hour of sanity in all of this. We had people come and serve our guests and clean up after so that we didn’t have to worry about anything. At my grandma’s funeral I got to see all my aunts and uncles pull together to support one another. There were tears but there was lots of laughter. There were great stories told. So many hugs that even I gave in and handed a few out. And so much joy. Joy to be with family. Joy to be connected to others. Joy to stop for a moment and reminisce and laugh. Joy in knowing that life does not end here, but that their stories are just beginning. 

There is much good in the world because there are lots of good people in the world. I have seen it over the last month in my friends and family. I know there are times it can be hard to spot. Sometimes the world does seem all bad. But we have to make a choice in those times to find the goodness. Look at the faces of your children and you will see it. 

So occasionally skip over the drama and action films and pick Anchorman, Old School or Pitch Perfect. Set yourself up for a successful day of laughter and then go tackle the world. It looks like a much better place after you have laughed for 2 hours. And then share all that joy with others. I am still on a naive path of believing that laughter, kindness and joy can change the world- one person at a time.